He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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