the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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