At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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