He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
