there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
