Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
