Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
