we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Randomize