So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
