Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
