Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize