from now on my penis is your penis
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
you will always have a special place in my vag
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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