last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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