Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
I love how my cats smell like pot.
where are you?
Hypothermia
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
