You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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