I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Randomize
