You really coming over, don't trick.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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