I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
vagina is talking i cant
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just want nice things and good sex
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
