the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Randomize
