Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
