if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize