I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
