Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
