Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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