I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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