i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
