I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
