Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
A bitchslap is in order.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
