I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It's blow job season.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
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