i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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