but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
the day after is always just damage control
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
