have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
