I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
