I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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