It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
