this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
