I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
