He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Randomize
