He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
