I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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