dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
