You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
