You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
