Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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