what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
