then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize