my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
