toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
