He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Randomize
