I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
