Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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