oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
