I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
