absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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