just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
