She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
