she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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