So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Randomize
