My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
