dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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