I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Randomize
