If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
