My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
