Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
