so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Less talking, more tequila
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize