How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Redeem this text for a blowjob
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
