Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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