well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Is Oprah even human
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
