Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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