Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
OPIZZABONMYDICK
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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