He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
