11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
