So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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