I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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