I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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