I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
