unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
