is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
