thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
