sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
