Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
